***Disclaimer... This is a very venting post and you should not read if you need something uplifting!
So I have gone back and forth about writing this or not for the last hour... I got on my computer to just have a HUGE explosion of feelings and emotions! Luckily I did get on facebook first and someones status said "Dear Lord, please keep your arm over my shoulder and your hand over my mouth... Amen." :) I had to laugh and then realize that I would have regretted all the emotional vomit I would have put on everyone. BUT... I just cant walk away without getting something out!
I know that blogs are in general a happy bubbly place where only good feelings and thoughts are shared. But who made that rule anyway??? I cant keep a journal worth crap and I just can't overload my poor mother with any more of my "venting". Sooooo here comes a very dulled down version of my constant frustration. No one even needs to read this but some how it makes me feel better to put it all out there for the cosmic world to take away...
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you are quite literally running around in a circle and every time you get to where you started you run full force into a brick wall??? You knew it was there, you knew that you would inevitably run into it, but here you lay, knocked back from the force, no air in your lungs and tears in your eyes (or streaming down your face) only to get up and repeat the same circle over again! Its like you are one of those lab rats running around in a maze, completely lost, and when you think you have found a new route to try you find yourself running into the very same wall you started at! All you can do is look around all shaken up and say "SERIOUSLY???????"
I cant even recall where this situation came from and yet I am completely stuck in it! I feel like I have run this circle so many times that I know every inch of its walls, I know every speck in the flooring, I know the smells and the feelings and yet, for all my searching, I cannot find any sign of a way out. I am exhausted. I am to many feelings to even put in this post. So I say to the people in the white lab coats looking down on me... HELP!!!! I am ready to stop this run. So if someone in really good shape would like to come run for me for awhile... I will be in Hawaii on a beach! ;) I put this somewhere out into the blogging world and it feels better for now. Who knows this may just become a routine and you will all have to delete me from your lists! Here is hoping for a much more positive post the next time around...
